I should have kissed you when we were in the rain.

I wish you told me why. I have been helpless ever since. There has always been this lack of communication between us and I did not mind it with your lips on my neck but now...
I hate that I cannot hate you, and I hate that I cannot quite love you either. I used to both love you to death and hate you so much it made me feel alive. I thought that was passion. Now I call it 'he wasn't the right one for you, it wasn't right at all'.

Books are the only way to run away without leaving home.

I remembered today how very much he loved reading and how I hardly ever saw him carrying no book in his hands. He said books smelled like he imagined other galaxies would.
But he was carrying my books the last time we met, I know now he did not want anything that reminded him of me. And the truth is, I doubt he ever got to read them.

is this a mycro story?

Your mom said ‘we’re all wearing bright colours’, but I’m wearing a black dress in your funeral. She’s wearing sky blue, she doesn’t know black is, was, your favourite colour.

People fall in love in mysterious ways.

I loved a boy who spent three whole years wishing he was high; I bet he is right now.

And then I almost loved another that just for a month and a half made me feel like I was high.

Suddenly it all made perfect sense: time does not mean anything.

The first one gave me at least two thousand kisses more than the second one; the second one gave me the brightest, purest smile. I would never dare miss the first one, but the second... I still mourn him, for he was everything I had ever wanted.

list of things i don't feel anymore

my home is that garden that saw our very first kiss, 
my home is that museum with paintings less sparkling that his smile,
my home is that sad song we slow danced to,
my home is those two centimeters between our mouths when I chose to tease him, 
my home is that maroon hoodie he used to lend me on Sundays

Martha Rivera-Garrido

"No te enamores de una mujer que lee, de una mujer que siente demasiado, de una mujer que escribe...

No te enamores de una mujer culta, maga, delirante, loca. No te enamores de una mujer que piensa, que sabe lo que sabe y además sabe volar; una mujer segura de sí misma.

No te enamores de una mujer que se ríe o llora haciendo el amor, que sabe convertir en espíritu su carne; y mucho menos de una que ame la poesía (esas son las más peligrosas), o que se quede media hora contemplando una pintura y no sepa vivir sin la música.

No te enamores de una mujer a la que le interese la política y que sea rebelde y vertigue un inmenso horror por las injusticias. Una a la que no le guste para nada ver televisión.

Ni de una mujer que es bella sin importar las características de su cara y de su cuerpo. No te enamores de una mujer intensa, lúdica, lúcida e irreverente.

No quieras enamorarte de una mujer así. Porque cuando te enamoras de una mujer como esa, se quede ella contigo o no, te ame ella o no, de ella, de una mujer así, jamás se regresa".

I don't wanna know that, babe.

So there is this girl who is not sad. She lets the wind caress her cheeks.

She listens to music when everything is just too noisy, she reads when the crowd will not shut up, when they will not think much. She is there and it seems like she is doing what the rest does, but she is thinking about how she wishes she could be like Simonetta Vespucci, about how now she gets even the songs she wishes she did not get.

She walks down the street and sees art in the way people's scarfs tremble with fear. She sees art when they play hide and seek with the cold, when a lonely tiny bird sings from the top of a high branch.
They say you only hear birds' humming when you are happy. She hears it, but she is not happy at all.

You are my cup of tea, but coffee is getting more interesting.

Pick your favourite tea. 

Will you come back? 

Grab a cup. 

When? 

Tea's ready. 

Will it still be the same? 

Be careful, it's so hot, you can't drink yet. 

Will you show any regrets? 

Two suggar cubes. 

Will you say you're sorry? 

This tea is perfectly sweet and warm. 

Will you still love me? 

Black tea with vanilla and tears. 

Will you?

Sonnet 116, Sir William Shakespeare.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments; love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove.

O no, it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wand'ring bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come;

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Elijah's lost, complete fanfic.

First part.

There is an enormous difference between being needed and being wanted, even when we all wish we could be both.

Gaia knew she was not needed, but she sure was wanted. She also knew there would come a moment for Elijah to choose and she believed she was not going to be the winner.

Loving Elijah was not an easy thing, it was more than exhausting. He really made an effort to show her how special she was but it was never enough. It did not look like the inconditional love she expected him to profess her, she was not the most important thing on his mind, nor his last thought before he fell asleep.

"Maybe I'm asking for too much, maybe he's already doing his best, maybe I'm too demanding. He's a good generous, loving man, I should be grateful he wants to spend time with me everyday and has that sparks on his eyes. He loves me".

But Gaia's craving for romance, for more than chilvarous gestures, would not cease.

She felt she had fell in love early, but deep down she was aware of her incapability of avoiding love. She just jumped off the cliff and gave herself up everytime she noticed she was lost.

But do not take it wrong, being passionate sis not make her weak or mind-instable, she could pack her clothes and leave the second he said he did not want her there anymore.

------------------

It became really convenient that they did no longer live all together. Gaia had learnt to appreciate both Nik and Bekah, but that did not mean she could not see their flaws and feel glad now there were only Elijah and her living in that house -they had moved to a luch little mansion near the old house -.

Bekah was beautiful but capricious, kind but reckless. Too dreammy and even more bad tempered when she did not get what she wanted, never realistic enough.

And Nik... he was an artist, sensitive but cruel, polite but manipulative. He reminded Gaia of one of those bears they tortured back in London's theatres, tied and constantly attacked. Nik was a wolf in a cage, strong to resist and afraid to scape. He could leave in any moment but he needed his siblings more than they needed him, and that is what made him cruel, a liar, a man willing to do whatever necessary to achieve what he thought he deserved - even though he did not always deserve what he wanted; in fact, he usually did not -. Therefore, both Elijah and Bekah were continiously dancing to Nik's song.

And watching them dancind was not enough for him, he still wanted them to be pleased and love his song.

Gaia had known them for three months when she saw how their lives worked, how afraid they were to say "no". She believed almost anyone could see their relationship's base, the rules, if they only paid attention to them. It was obvious for her, Elijah had talked to her about it once, very briefly, so most of it had been figured out by her, on her own.

Everybody in town loved them, people used to see Bekah walking down the street, going to the central square to buy fabric for her new dresses. She seemed to be a sweet young lady, almost like a little girl who lived with her two older brothers, protected by them. They  did not know she was always making them angry. Elijah thought she was mature enough to deal with her love life - after all, she had been doing it for the last 500 years, had not she? -, Nik wanted to protect her so bad he ended up making her hate him. He said their sister would be their undoing, her indiscretions would make their world fall into pieces.

As for Nik, he never left his room during the day. He painted, he read, wrote poems...The perfect well-off man, people said. Of course nobody knew at night he found himself at the town's outskits, drunk with blood and -sometimes - an unbearable feel of guilty. Gaia and Elijah, even Bekah, knew. And some servants, but they were well-paid, they would not say a word.

--------------

Elijah had asked her to marry him once, a year ago. He had taken her to London, made her colse her eyes and proposed by the Thames. 

Of course it reminded her of that month she had been at home without even daring to come near any window - that horrible, horrible, month in which her transformation took place -. But Elijah could not possibly know about her memories, and Gaia did not seem to think he needed to. Therefore, she never told him about anything but how much she missed London - and being able to enjoy her human life; "You don't because you're not human", he usually said -.

Anyway, he proposed.

It was awful.

She did not say yes.

"Have you ever been married before, Elijah?", she asked him before he could feel her rejection. She did not think he would be that upset. "God, I shouldn't've laughed", Gaia thought.

"I would've told you if I had, wouldn't you?", he answered. He was not upset, he was really annoyed. 

And no, she definitely would not have. She had been married and she had not told him.

He started to speak again in the second she realised not answering to him was far worse than lying - again - to his face. Keeping silence was an obvious "Yes, I've been married, I hid that from you, just as I hide everything from you so it's eassier to leave when you dump me. So yeah, I'm a liar, now hate me".

"Dear lord, you have. You've been married! I've known you for 2 years now, was it before we met? Was it when you were human? I can't believe you lied".

And there it was. She wondered why Elijah had not said what she was more afraid to hear: that he was disappointed on her.

"I'm terribly disappointed on you. Say something, you can't no speak to me forever, Gaia", it looked like he had said everything he had to and would not say another word until she confessed. 

"I... I didn't think it was necessary! It was... uhm, 50 years ago? Who cares, I was human, I had no choice, I needed to get married. Don't you know how it is like to be a woman? My parents wouldn't let me live like I do know, like Bekah does, like most of rich women do now".

"You could've told me, I wouldn't have judged you. I'm not judging you, now or ever".

"Then don't be angry at me, it's not worth it. Please".

"All right, I won't if you explain to me why you don't want to marry me. You love me, you said so early this morning, Gaia", Elijah's face went... softer.

"And I do". She did not know what else to say. So she made something up. To be fair, it was not really a lie. It was half a lie.

"We're already married, we live together and I love and admire you as much as I would if we had got married the moment we looked at each other for the first time, don't you believe me?", she felt her cheeks blushed. "It's okay, to me we are already husband and wife".

That was true. If you think of it, she was not lying. Does hiding something mean lying? 

Gaia saw him as her husband but somewhere deep down she knew it would not be the same. Being truly married would tie her to him even more. And she could not take not being able to scape in case she ever had to.

Gaia loved him with all her heart, just as she had told him, but still she needed a plan B. It made her feel very egoistic and mean, it was not her intention to hurt him, she could not help it.

"I've never seen it that way, I guess you're right", Elijah conceded.

Second part.

Elijah and Gaia were sleeping when some hasty footsteps woke them up. They did not even had time to get out of bed, Bekah opened their room's doow and said:

"He's done it again. Don't be upset with me. You know I can't stop him".

She clearly had run to reach their house - there were still no more than three streets betweet Nik and Bekah's and theirs -, she was not it her outdoor clothes and her hair was wet and messy - it had been raining all night -.

"What are you talking about, dear?", Gaia asked. Bekah was so agitated... she had neer seen her like that.

"Stay here, I'll deal with him". Elijah put on his brown coat - just over his cotton sleeping clothes - and left both Gaia and his sister in the room.

Gaia had started to speak and ask for an explanation when he shut the door closed and Bekah sat in their bed, besides her.

"We're in serious trouble", she said. Her voice sounded so low it would have been impossible for Gaia to hear her if she had not been a vampire.

"Where's Nik? What has he done? I mean it's not like he's been discreet in the last... well, I dare to say... uhm... never?".

Bekah was looking at the carpet, her hands crossed over her lap, and did not seem to hear Gaia. She was about to ask her again when the quiet one said:

"He has never been discreet, you're right. But he has never been boisterous either. And now he has. I bet you want to pack all your dresses because I don't think you're going to be here tomorrow. You're leaving as soon as Elijah comes back. At least you should", she ended.

"Aren't you going to tell me? God, it's really consuming to see you talking about something I don't understand".

Before she pronounced the very last word of her sentence, Gaia realised it could be applied to every conversation Nik and Bekah had had in her presence since she had met them. It was like they were telling each other secrets even Elijah could not know. But she had always overlooked that. Until now.

"Think of an adjetive to "He's just killed the mayor's entire family in front of the whole town", she finally said, so exasperate. "I guess we're not using "indiscreet", are we?"

"Did he do that? God save us all", Gaia could not believe what she was hearing. A entire family. In front of everyone. They really needed to leave Chelmsford for good.

And then Bekah laughed. Gaia would not know if she was too neervous to show it in another way, if she had lost her mind or if she found it funny that her brother's head was all that mattered at the moment to Chelmsford's poor people.

It seemed to her that the last two options, dealing with Bekah, were quite the same.

"You look like a respectable lady, mature and all, sleeping with the oldest of my brothers but at the end you're just... I wouldn't say pathetic. Naive suits you, you're way too naive". Gaia hated when Bekah spoke like she was doing now, like she knew too much, like sharing would cause her pain and she had to keep it privy. She never said all she had to.

"Do you really think we have to leave because of this poor little mortals? Nik would kill them all in a heartbeat, he doesn't care, dear", Bekah stoped talking for two seconds, smiles and then continued "'God save us all', you're, indeed, hilarious. How old are you? I bet you're about... 80, maybe? Human years and everything. Well, I'm telling you, in these 80 years of your life you've never seen anyone more powerful than Nik. Or Elijah, or myself, for that matter. In fact, you're never going to come across with someone like us in your whole life... Nik, he's the one you should call God - though, the fact that you still believe in God being what you are and having seen what you have seen... I can't call you nothing but naive, sweetheart -. God's evil, and you'd better get used to it". 

How much rehearsal had Bekah needed before that?  Words had came out of her mouth like she had been reciting that speech in her sleep for years. Like she was reading out loud a poem she herself had writen. A memorized text.

It frightened Gaia the way Bekah's voice was not broken now - it was when she came into Elijah and hers room -.

"Don't you see it, dear? Everything you are, everything you can do, all your new skills, that's us. You're a vampire because of us", she finally said.

And still Gaia did not know for sure what she was talking about.

"You didn't turn me", she answered, trying to throw a little light over the subject. What if Bekah had really lost her mind?

"No, we didn't. But at some point of our long long lives one of us turned someone who turned who turned you. You're not that silly, you have to admit you've thought about it, there must be a first vampire, the original one. And that we are".

She stood up on the blue carpet and walked around the room for a while. She probably knew Gaia needed some time.

"Fine, you're the first ones. I don't see how that's going to help now. We still have to leave, don't we?". Gaia was aware og what kind of answeer she was going to get: an incomplete one. As usual. She wondered it there would come a time for her to think she did not deserve any explanations. Similar to when you are called something every day and eventually you end up believing you are what you  have been told you are. 

She decided she would with that great - huge - deal of new information later.

"Let me make things easier for you: You think you know us, I can see that. But you don't. You may know Elijah, perhaps. Though you sure don't know a thing about Nik, or me. Nik won't leave, he doesn't need to. He's the king this town hasn't accepted, or even asked for. He fears nothing. But Elijah... sweet and noble Elijah...he's willing to go away and take you with him no matter what. That's how much he loves you". She spoke so naturally... in the way you speak when you know you're going to be fine every second of your life from now on. With certantly. Except Bekah was everything but sure. 

"And what about you? Are you staying? Are you coming with us?", Gaia asked, inquired.

It is surprising how a beautiful smile never fades in hard times. Neither did Bekah's.

"Me? Oh, we'll see. Provoking Nik's anger or losing Elijah's respect - if he's ever admired anything about me -? It's going to end bad for me anyway".

Gaia knew she probably should not say anything, however:

"But you know what he's done... it is bad. It's not right. You can't stay by him".

Bekah raised her hand towards Gaia and all the sudden... caressed her left cheek. There was a second before she felt Elijah's sister soft hand in which it terrified her the possibility of having made her angry.

"I've been too harsh. I've learnt to see you as the older sister I've never had but I'm really not that good at girly friendship. Stay by Elijah, Gaia, because there's nowhere else you could be safer. I care about you, even if I don't express so".

"But you...", she started.

"I can't choose. I love both my brothers. And I reckon it's not easy, or clever, to love Nik, but I do. I've spent the last 600 years puting up with Nik's lack of conscience and it makes me struggle with both his and mine. I... I won't choose between my brothers, it's not an option", Bekah interrupted her. 

She left Gaia alone in the room, without even bothering to say where she was going or if she was coming back.

As she was walking away, a lot of questions invaded Gaia's head.

What did truly mean they were the first ones? Did that make them more special than any old vampire? 

And the most important doubts: Why didn't Elijah tell her? Did he intend to? Had he ever?

------------------

Nik had never opened his house's door himself. There were always servants all over the house so he and Bekah did not had to interrupt whatever they were doing just to open it. 

And when Elijah knocked on the door and found his brother at the other side of it, the certain idea of all the servants leaving hit him as he had been punched with his own sword's hilt in the face - even if a simple hilt could not hurt him that much -.

"Are you insane? The whole town will ask for your head. If they don't want to take it themselves", Elijah did not really know what to say. He still believed and sought for Nik's redemtion but time had teached him his brother did not want his morality speeches, advice, or help anymore. 

"Take it easy, Elijah, it's just... 3... 4... 5 people? Who the hell cares", Nik laughed.

It is a horrible thing to say, but Elijah was used to see Nik murdering people without any reason. And cleaning his messes.

"They're just 5 people. Yes, Niklaus, they're just", Elijah's voice sounded different in that just, "5, people. But you made the whole town get angry. And they're not 5. They're thousands. Your servants are gone, how much time before these poor citiziens come at your door and ask us to get out? In fact, I don't even know why would they ask for it, like we deserve to be gently asked. Niklaus, you've just killed this town most important man and his family. Law's for all of us, they could demand your head in a pike if they wanted to".

Nik had stoped laughing. You could not tell if he had realized what he had done would have consecuences, if he felt guilty or if Elijah's position made him tremendously irritated.

Whoever that knew Nik a little bit would bet all his or her money to the third option.

Elijah thought his brother was going to simply turn his back on him and leave the room. That was how much Nik used to care about anything Elijah could possibly say. But he did not.

"I live here. You can be sure as hell I'm not leaving. You didn't asked why I killed him. I guess as the monster you think I am you took for granted that I just felt like killing that man in front of everyone. Your inclination to always believe the worst of me really disappoints and saddens me, brother", he answered in a cold iced tone.

"And that's my brother, playing with everybody's mind as usual", Elijah thought.

"Gaia and I are leaving tonight. Bekah's coming with us. Feel free to stay in Chelmsford and have an entire town hating on you if that's your wish. However, if you decide you want to come with us, you're welcome. I'm tired of trying" and he closed the door behind him.

----------------------

As Elijah was coming back to Gaia and Bekah, someone hold his arm and the next thing he saw was his sister standing in front of him, still wearing her nightgown.

"What did he say? Did he agree to go?", she asked inquisitively.

"He said he's staying and God knows there's no one here who can persuade him otherwise. We're leaving tonigh, Bekah".

"I won't choose. I told Gaia. But if I come with you, he'll say I chose you. And all I can ask for my older brother is to believe me when I say me staying doesn't mean I chose him. Elijah, I can't go".

"You're afraid of him, I won't let him touch a single hair of yours. I promise he's not putting you in a box if you leave".

"Maybe I am afraid, maybe this is just the best and wiser choice. I guess time'll decide. All I'm saying is I'm not leaving. I'm sorry, I'll be fine, Elijah, I know how to deal with him most times. I wish nothing but the best for both you and Gaia". 

Third and final part.

When Elijah found Gaia's body, screaming was he could do. It was such a horrible scream you could feel his pain and cry over his lost.
She was pale, so pale. As pale as Bekah was everytime she made Nik angry and Elijah could not stop him. As pale as Elijah himself had been a few years ago, back in Italy. It was the same kind of paleness, but it was not. Because Gaia could not come back like they could. 
Sometimes... sometimes you get so hurt you are not even able to cry, as if crying cannot express all your grief, as if letting yourself cry means sharing your lost with everyone.
Elijah did not cry about Gaia, not even once. He did not want other people to suffer over Gaia since she was so special most of them did not deserve to mourn her, or know her at all. He did not want them to pity him either.
He looked at the room, searching for something, whatever that could make him feel less lonely, less guilty. And over the chest of drawers he saw what appeared to be a letter. It said:

"Her name was Aubri, the woman Niklaus Mikaelson killed. She was my sister, she was kind-hearted, and caring. She used to tell John how to be a better mayor, how a good mayor should be. She stood up for the Mikaelsons when they arrived to Chelmsford, she said they would be great and helpful neighbours, that they would contribute to keep the town still pure and beautiful.

My three nephews... they were the sweetest children I have ever seen. They were curious, funny, sensitive. They made Aubri and John proud. They made me proud too, such wonderful kids they were.

Annalise, their little one... she had just learnt how to read, she said she wanted to write lovely poems to her siblings.

William wanted to be mayor, "As father", he used to say. He was clever and kind, he had a magnificent sense of justice and everyday he proved himself the son every man would pray for. So noble.

Dianne was engaged, she was 16 when he killed her. There, in front of everyone, ruinning her sky blue dress, stainning her flowered crown with her little sister's blood.

I have always thought the best of Elijah Mikaelson. I thought our William would someday be like him. I thought he was the good one. But now I see nothing but a blind man, I see a man who does not even care about his own family.

We are lucky he cares about that adorable lady of his, that young woman who holds his hand in their saturdays' walks.

They say a man who does not stand up in front of injustice and cruelty is as bad - if not worse - as the man who caused chaos. They say careless men are God's punishment for humanity. And that he is. You are.

We killed her, your love. She is alive while I write this to you, but she will not when you find my letter.

I hope you know absolute despair, I hope yours is bigger than mine. I hope the idea of her last word being your name, a cry for help, haunts you forever.

The whole town wants you all gone.

If my letter causes you any kind of confusion, let me explain myself a little better:

We know what you are, half demons, half human, we have seen what Niklaus does at night. We never believed our forest's animals ripped our people's limbs off. We know you all did it. But we also know we cannot kill you, humans cannot put an end to demons lives - if you are not already dead -. She was a demon too, though she always seemed weaker than you.

Three new lives you killed, the three of you. The careless ones and the monster. The demons who looked noble and sweet and the demon who never knew how to hide his true nature.

Three new lives and two devoted parents you killed.

May God find you and throw you back to hell, where you surely belong."

The letter fell from Elijah's hands to the floor and when he bend down to get it back, he found Gaia's eyes, deadly blue, and could not do anything but kiss her forehead and close that beautiful eyes of her to never see them again.

-----------------

Elijah did not blame Niklaus and Bekah said he should.

"She's dead, I loved her too", she said while staring at her brother's eyes and sighed when he looked away.

"Don't we know Niklaus? Don't I know him? If there's someone here to blame, that's me. I left her alone for a moment, just a moment... and now we're burying her. I shouldn't have tried to convince him again to leave, he made it clear the first time I told him", he made a pause and looked at the ground. Bekah thought he could not bear the situation, no one can bear seeing his love being buried. Not even Elijah. She wished she could take him home, but she realised they did not had a home now. She wish her affection could cure his pain as he used to cure her wounds when she was a child and fell when they all played together. "At least she will rest in peace in her beloved city. I want to think she's watching us from above and she's saying she forgives me".

---------------

"My sweet Gaia,

I would gladly give everything I have up for you.

I want you to tell me it is too late for reading in bed, “Blow that candle out, you erudite…”. I want to hear you smile while you say it, because it does not really bother you that much.

I do not want to think about anything else but you when I am not at home, “Did you miss me?”.

I want you to complain about Chelmsford not having theatres, “I loved it in London, we have to come back”.

I want you to silently judge Nik and Bekah’s behaviour. And I want you to believe I do not see how much effort you put in being always nice to them, even when they do not deserve your kindness, “That new friend of Bekah’s seems… well, he’s good looking”.

I want you to be dreammy again, “That’s what eternity’s for. I want to see the Nile. And you’re coming with me”.

I want you to believe me when I say I have never in my whole life loved a woman as much as I love you. And I want to be able to prove it to you, “I wish I could be Hermia, you’d be both Lysander and Demetrius”.

I wish I could say I have known it was you since the very beginning, “Haven’t you noticed? I may be the love of your life, Elijah, but you’re too busy to see it”.

I wish we were human since nothing would have made me happier than giving you the daughter you have always wanted, “Wouldn’t she be lovely? My blue eyes, your soft brown hair. I bet she’d be the prettiest little girl in town”.

But here I am, I have not talked to anyone in months, I keep hearing from “a young blonde lady looking for her older brother” everywhere I go.

I still mourn you, my love. It has taken me all the bravery I had left to write this lines to a person who will never read them because of my many irreversible mistakes.

I should have told you how much you inspired me everyday, I should have brought flowers to you myself instead of ordering someone to do ir for me, I should have listened to you when I had to, I should have left with you.

I should have made you feel more loved.

And for all of this errors, I shall think of you with pain in my chest forever, I shall never find someone like you again.

Just tell me, if you were here, would you say having met and loved each other is and will always be the greatest event of our lives… or the worst?

Yours, as long as I live,

Elijah.

And that's it, thanks for reading and... I don't know, uh, if you liked my fanfic and you feel like tweeting any of its quotes or anything... it would be lovely. But it would be lovely too if you said you didn't write it cause... well, I did. Anyway, thanks again and if you see any grammatical mistakes please forgive me (or you can tell me, that would be better. You can let a comment below or, I don't know, you can tell me here --> http://ask.fm/VickyGomez8 as usual)  cause english is not my mother tongue, it's been kind of difficult for me to write in english, truth be told.

Vic (@Vic_Darcy)